What it means to be “MAN”
Girls tend to resolve their conflicts through conversation. Boys, on the other hand, like to use physical violence.
A lot of males, whether one classifies them as men or boys, always have a desire to “be the bigger man.” Unfortunately, this is usually accomplished by picking fights with other men, be them friend or foe, over unimportant issues. For example, I have witnessed one of my guy friends attempt to start a fight with one of his friends over having his shirt tucked in. Fortunately in this case the argument did not come to blows, but would not have surprised me if it had happened otherwise.
The problem with the male tendency to solve conflicts with violence is that it results in physical and emotional harm. Not only can those involved in the fight be seriously injured, but friendships can be injured or even destroyed as well.
Sometimes I think this “tough guy” act is performed as way to conceal insecurities, but other times I think is just a part of the way guys are socialized. At a young age boys are taught to be strong, brave, and tough. Backing down from a fight would result in name calling with feminine words such as “sissy.” Some boys grow out of the immaturity of calling other boys names for not fighting, but so many others keep the tough guy ideal imprinted in their brain throughout their adult life. If parents and the media discontinued the lesson that boys must be tough, then they would not grow up thinking it is acceptable use physical violence as a solution to conflicts with other men.
Two words: boy code
In response to this, the two words that came to mind for me were also “Boy Code”. I know we like to throw that word around a lot in class, and I get the feeling that you get the jist of it. It’s from teh book Real Boys’ Voices. Basically the author makes the argument that there is an unwritten rule among boys/men that they aren’t allowed to do anything feminine. What’s really hard is that girls often perpetuate the code… Do you want to date someone who cries more than you, or someone strong who is going to hold you when you cry? It’s such a hard cycle to break. Perhaps it can also be linked back to the way that girls are brought up, and OUR expectations of men.